u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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