Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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