On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your penis caused this!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
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