so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
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Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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