I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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