On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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