I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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