I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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