I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize