So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
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I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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