So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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