The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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