1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize