HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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