12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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