Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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