david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize