FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize