i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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