This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize