The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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