I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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