well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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