My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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