I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
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yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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