yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
