you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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