I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize