I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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