he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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