Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
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Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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