Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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