I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize