I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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