First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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