Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize