i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
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if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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