I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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