I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize