I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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