my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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