Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
