i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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