Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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