for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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