Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize