Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize