I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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