We're facebook friends in real life
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize