I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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